Daily Joke: Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.

Daily Joke: Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar; I’ve been doing nothing for years.

Daily Joke: It’s so hot outside, I almost asked my ex to come over so that I could be around something shady.

Daily Joke: I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road-worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Daily Joke: My wife and I always compromise – I admit I’m wrong, and she agrees with me.

Daily Joke: If time is money, are ATMs time-machines?

Daily Joke: My ex wrote to me: ‘Can you delete my number? I responded: ‘Who is this?’

Daily Joke: My favourite mythical creature? The honest politician.