Daily Joke: As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself that maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.

Daily Joke: If a child refuses to sleep during nap-time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Daily Joke: I said to the gym instructor, “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, ”How flexible are you?” I said, ”I can’t make Tuesdays.”

Daily Joke: A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, ”Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”

Daily Joke: I like to hold hands at the movies, which always seems to startle strangers.

Daily Joke: My wife just found out that I replaced our bed with a trampoline – she hit the roof.

Daily Joke: I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, and then it dawned on me.

Daily Joke: I had a neck brace fitted years ago, and I’ve never looked back since.