Daily Joke: The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself: ‘This changes everything.’

Daily Joke: I hate Russian dolls – they’re so full of themselves.

Daily Joke: How does NASA organise their company parties? They planet.

Daily Joke: Why did the stop light turn red? You would, too, if you had to change in the middle of the street.

Daily Joke: Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.

Daily Joke: Whenever I pass someone texting and driving, I throw my beer at their window.

Daily Joke: Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Daily Joke: Once, my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days, he kept leaving little messages around the house.