Daily Joke: Once, my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days, he kept leaving little messages around the house.

Daily Joke: A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He’s now a seasoned veteran.

Daily Joke: I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared: ‘Hey, we were getting along pretty great lately!’

Daily Joke: What do you call sad coffee? Despresso.

Daily Joke: I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Daily Joke: Phones are getting thinner and smarter. People, not so much.

Daily Joke: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

Daily Joke: If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.