Daily Joke: I said to the gym instructor, “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, ”How flexible are you?” I said, ”I can’t make Tuesdays.”

Daily Joke: A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, ”Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”

Daily Joke: I like to hold hands at the movies, which always seems to startle strangers.

Daily Joke: My wife just found out that I replaced our bed with a trampoline – she hit the roof.

Daily Joke: I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, and then it dawned on me.

Daily Joke: I had a neck brace fitted years ago, and I’ve never looked back since.

Daily Joke: I’ve just written a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a rap.

Daily Joke: Why do bees hum? They don’t remember the lyrics!