Daily Joke: I’m on a whiskey diet – I’ve lost three days already.

Daily Joke: I cleaned the attic with my wife the other day – now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair.

Daily Joke: I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.

Daily Joke: A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.’

Daily Joke: My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

Daily Joke: I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays.’

Daily Joke: How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.

Daily Joke: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.