Daily Joke: My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met.

Daily Joke: I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust.

Daily Joke: My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he’s 97 years old and we have no idea where he is.

Daily Joke: I can hear music coming out of my printer. I think the paper’s jamming again.

Daily Joke: Escalators don’t break down, they just turn into stairs.

Daily Joke: My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

Daily Joke: I totally understand how batteries feel, because I’m rarely ever included in things either.

Daily Joke: Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.