Daily Joke: I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Daily Joke: Phones are getting thinner and smarter. People, not so much.

Daily Joke: I was at a rock concert with my friend when he said he wanted to try crowd-surfing. I told him not to get carried away.

Daily Joke: This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’

Daily Joke: I have a lot of growing up to do; I realised that the other day inside my fort.

Daily Joke: I was a bookkeeper for 10 years … the local library wasn’t too happy about it.

Daily Joke: I tried drag-racing the other day; it’s murder trying to run in those heels.

Daily Joke: My friend’s in prison for flashing; he says he can’t bare it anymore.